Return of The Red Ninja: Back In Black
by writer-jm
Summary: Usagi finally consumes too much sugar and thinks she's a ninja! Follow her quest(please!) Beware! There's loads of shoujo-ai!


This story was a crazy moment in time. Before I knew about the Red Ninja episode, I had a moment of inspiration. I had been reading Naruto mangas and eating Skittles. Then, I remembered the anime episode of South Park. The rest of it was just pure insanity caused by the moogles and chocobos playing inside my head (Final Fantasy). Really! They're playing soccer and volleyball, instead of helping me write stories. Go buy Moogle stamps!

By the way, there is shoujo-ai here! BEWARE! Don't bother flaming me on it because... I am immune to fire! There's nothing explicit, maybe a little suggestiveperhaps, but giveit a try!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or technically the Red Ninja. The black Ninja is mine, sorta. A product of my own insanity. Don't tell my friends!

Return of the Red Ninja: Back in Black

It was Saturday morning and Usagi woke up in Rei's bed at the Hino Temple. 'Where's Rei? I bet she must be doing her chores… Oh well, it's breakfast time!' The future princess went to the kitchen in her quest for nourishment.

Rei's kitchen was well-stocked, considering how often Usagi spent the night. The ondango-ed princess rummaged through the pantry looking for a tasty, healthy breakfast food.

"Oooh! Sugar Bombs™!" She squealed in delight. 'I hear this cereal has enough sugar to give you a heart attack! Maybe I'll actually get a buzz off of it…' Usagi searched for a bowl, but couldn't find one less than gigantic. She shrugged and dumped the whole box in and added milk. She found a big plastic spoon and went to the living room to watch anime.

"All right, it's Naruto!" She plopped down on the couch and mercilessly attacked the sugary cereal while watching the ninja anime.

After a while, the effects of the cereal became evident. Reality blurred. Suddenly, Usagi's plans for the future changed. She threw her fist in the air and declared to no one in particular: "I will become the next Hokage! (Ruler of Naruto's ninja clan) I will win Sakura's heart! I will be the greatest ninja ever!" She looked down at her clothes. 'These really don't look like ninja clothes. I must find something halfway decent.'

Somehow she knew to return to Rei's room and searched for something more ninja-like. She found a black sweater and black sweat pants and put them on over her underwear. She looked in the mirror. 'Something's still missing… I need something to conceal my face.' She found a couple of bandanas. (Would Rei really keep this kind of stuff in her room? Just go with it…) A red one she tied over her mouth, the blue one she tied around her forehead.

She looked in the mirror. "Hey, I look like Kakashi. Awesome!" She kept looking. There was still something missing. "Hey, I need weapons! I can't go out with just my bare hands! A ninja must be ready for anything." She went rummaging through the house. Thankfully, she managed to avoid finding anything truly dangerous. She found a long wooden stick to use as a sword. She used a towel and duct tape to make nunchucks. "Now for some ninja stars…" The princess paced the kitchen (It was her place of origin). Usagi stared at the cereal box intently. Then, an idea hit her.

Fifteen minutes later, after putting band-aids on all the cuts, she laid down her scissors. She was content with her work. Over a dozen cardboard ninja stars lay on the counter top. The next issue was where to put them. She found a pouch (similar to Indiana Jones) in Rei's room. Besides putting in the ninja stars, Usagi stuffed in some cookies, pepper packets, and a sandwich. She used the strap to secure her 'nunchucks.' Now she was ready. She just needed a target to test her skills.

Rei was sweeping the temple grounds, thinking about Usagi. She left the girl asleep in her room resembling a perfect angel. _So cute… so beautiful… _She started laughing, remembering Usagi drooling in her unconscious state. Not to mention, the struggle to get out of the princess's grasp.

Then, there was a rustling in the bushes behind her. It was someone trying to sneak up on her. They weren't doing a very good job of it. _Is it a youma? Or just a pervert? Either way, they'll be sorry…_ The priestess gripped her broom tightly.

There was a rustle and a snap. "Oww!" Rei quickly turned around and prepared to thrust the broom into someone's face. The whine was feminine and familiar. A disguised, young female with blonde odangos was kneeling on the ground rubbing her bottom. _Usagi? Why is she dress like a poor ninja?_

Usagi regained her composure. She assumed a combat stance and proudly declared. "I am the Red Ninja! Well, okay, actually I'm wearing too much black to be called that… so call me the Black Ninja who was Once Red!"

"Have you gone crazy, Usako? What the heck are you doing?" In response, Rei's princess brought a stick forward like a sword and attacked. Rei defended herself rather well with a broom, parrying the wild swings.

During the battle, Usagi was having an inner struggle of epic proportions. _She's so beautiful… A glorious flower… Too bad she's my first target on the ladder to Hokage…_ In her distracted state, the grip on her 'sword' loosened and Rei promptly disarmed her. The dark-haired girl dropped her guard to scold her princess.

Before she could say anything, Usagi grabbed her by the arms. "You may have defeated me, but I will retain some honor!" She dipped Rei and kissed her suavely. Rei was so shocked she barely responded. Breathlessly, Usagi relented from her passionate counter attack, blushing profusely. "…by stealing a kiss from you, lovely maiden!" She dropped Rei gently and ran off in search of another target.

Rei sat on the ground softly touching her lips. She still faintly tasted Usagi. _I always knew she'd taste sugary. Real sugary. _She thought about it a moment. _In fact, she almost tastes like Sugar Bombs™… Maybe that's why she's acting so crazy!_ Blushing, she went to the kitchen to confirm her suspicions and warn the others. And calm her pounding heart.

Usagi sat in a tree down the road, trying to catch her breath and regain her concentration. _Mmm…soft lips… _She hit her head on a low-hanging branch. _Darn it! I lost my sword! At least I have my nunchucks and ninja stars…_ Then, a certain blue-haired girl walked underneath her tree. _She looks like a good target. Cute, but not as distracting as the first…_ She hit the overhanging branch again. She massaged her scalp tenderly. _Must concentrate on taking out the next target!_

Ami Mizuno was happily making her way to Makoto's apartment. She was excited to go on a picnic with her beautiful, brunette girlfriend. Makoto's company and cooking; everything was right in the world…

Then, a loud battle cry destroyed the peace. She turned around to see a stranger all in black, except for the conflicting bandanas, leap out of the tree behind her. "What in the world!" Ami noticed the twin blonde odangos on top of the kunoichi's (female ninja) head. "Usagi? What are you doing?"

Usagi's knees were trembling from the rough landing. They wobbled as she tried to keep on her feet. She failed miserably and fell onto her bottom. Tears formed in her eyes. Ami leaned over and attempted to comfort the girl. Before the doctor-in-training could touch the weeping girl, the blonde did a startling backflip to her feet. Usagi drew out her nunchucks and got into a battle stance.

"I am the Black Ninja who was formerly Red! I will defeat you and prove myself worthy to become the next Hokage and win the heart of the beautiful priestess!"

Ami just stood there, completely astounded at Usagi's eccentric behavior. _What happened to her? Why is she calling herself a ninja and talking about a priestess? Does she mean Rei?_ Her harried thoughts were interrupted by another battle cry from Usagi, who attacked her with a towel that had two ends duct-taped for handles.

Ami dodged her attacks as best she could. Ami had a large geometry textbook with her to tutor Makoto, before cuddling. Regretfully, she began to use it as a shield.

During one particularly wild swing from Usagi, Ami managed to dodge and bop the 'ninja' on the forehead. The blonde promptly dropped her weapon and clutched her forehead and yelled: "Owwie!" She promptly regained her strange composure and reached into a pouch. "You may have defeated me scholar, but I will accomplish my goals! Goodbye!" She pulled out a couple of little packets and flung them at Ami.

The blue-haired girl covered her eyes. Then, mysteriously, she began sneezing her head off. By the time she quit sneezing, Usagi was gone.

_I have to warn the others and figure out what's going on…_ She quickly headed to Makoto's at a run.

Usagi was contemplating her next move. _What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way…_ A sudden idea crossed her sugar-crazy mind. _Ninja's are all about stealth and I've been doing frontal assaults this whole time! My next target will fall! _She started fanning herself. "Dang it's hot!"

Setsuna Meioh was sitting outside the Outers' home working in a flower bed. She sat up and wiped her brow of sweat. "What a lovely day! I can't wait to give Minako a bouquet of these flowers!" Then, she heard a rustling. It sounded like someone attempting stealth, albeit rather poorly. _Minako, how many times will you try to sneak up on me before you'll learn?_ She smiled and prepared herself for Minako's tackle.

However, it wasn't Minako who tackled her. It was the Black Ninja who once was Red. Setsuna's eye widened in shock as she noticed who it was that had pounced on her… and was holding a plastic ruler to her throat. _Usagi? What the!_

"Gardener of the green-hair, I have come to defeat you! Thus, I will prove myself worthy to become the next Hokage and claim the heart of the priestess!" Usagi temporarily let up on the ruler as she placed her hands on her hips to make her declaration. Setsuna, in a moment of brilliance, pushed her down and pinned her down. It was difficult considering how much the blonde wiggled in her grasp.

"You can't hold me forever! I will defeat you!" the Black Ninja who was once Red bravely declared to her awe-inspiring opponent.

_Maybe she's ill… I had better take her temperature…_ She appeared to be sweating profusely. Setsuna released one of the arms temporarily to check Usagi's forehead. However, the moment she let go, Usagi's free arm went into action. There was no secret ninja trick that came to mind so she went with a readily available option; she pinched Setsuna's behind. Setsuna, although familiar with this from Minako, shot up in surprise with a squeak and Usagi quickly wiggled out of her grasp.

As the princess-turned-ninja went to go, a short-haired blonde came running out of the house followed by a woman with teal hair. They both froze at Setsuna who was massaging her injury and the weird looking ninja, who looked enough like a pervert to be guilty.

"Hold it right there, pervert! No one attacks Setsuna and gets away with it! Well, except Minako… Anyway, you're not her, so you're in trouble!" Haruka declared getting into a patented fighting stance. The ninja skidded to a halt and looked at the handsome woman.

"Is that a challenge? Very well then! I, the Black Ninja who was once Red, will accept your challenge!" The ninja girl turned around and attempted to get into a cool pose. However, she tripped on one of ponytails and lost one of her bandannas.

"Princess? What are you doing?" Before Haruka could answer, Usagi did an impressive flying jump kick. Haruka blocked it. Usagi kept up the assault. She jumped into the air and produced some of her ninja stars out of her pouch. She threw them with great pride. They were her masterpiece. She had weighted them down so they wouldn't just flutter around like a kite. One of them bounced off Haruka's nose, causing her to grunt and her eyes to water. Another flew and hit Michiru's shoulder, while she was questioning Setsuna. The woman's face cringed in pain.

Haruka got irritated. "Okay princess, I was going easy on you 'cause you're cute, but you hurt Michi! Now the gloves are off!" She cracked her knuckles. Then, something else hit her on the chest, but it wasn't a ninja star. She managed to catch it. It was a chocolate chip cookie, which turns out to be Haruka's weakness, especially before dinner. She hastily stuffed it in her mouth.

"Hey that's mine!" Usagi wailed. The other woman paid her no mind as she enjoyed the tasty cookie. As she swallowed, she looked hungrily at the pouch around Usagi's shoulders. _I can't win. I'm outnumbered. Must flee. Crap!_ Regretfully, she tossed another couple of cookies at the wind senshi before taking off.

As Haruka was stuffing her face, Michiru was having Setsuna repeat her story for the third time. "She just jumped me! I thought it was Minako sneaking up on me again." She managed to sound disappointed as she sat on the ground. She sighed. "I'm always on the lookout for catastrophies, natural disasters, and evil tyrants, not an insane princess!"

Michiru patted her shoulder sympathetically. "It's all right. I don't think any of us expected this… I suppose we should have a meeting. Let's go make some calls." Setsuna nodded. "Haruka! Stop eating those, you're going to ruin your dinner!" Setsuna rubbed her ringing ear as they headed inside to set up an emergency senshi meeting.

All of the Sailor Senshi (including Hotaru and Chibi-Usa) had gathered at the Hino Temple which was quickly decided upon as the origin of the problem. They had selected to meet in the fire room and were seated in a talkative circle. Makoto was offering Ami tissues. The genius seemed to have been covered in pepper and would often break out into sneezing fits.

Haruka was still apologizing for ruining her supper. She was using every charming move in her book. However, the crumbs on her chin spoke volumes to Michiru's discerning gaze.

Hotaru and Chibi-Usa looked confused about the talk of ninjas and attacks. Minako was trying to examine the bruise Setsuna had received, but the green-haired woman refused to let the blond check underneath her skirt. Minako responded with a pout and fake sniffle. As Setsuna reached over to comfort Minako, the blond tackled her and lifted her skirt, accidentally giving Rei a peep show. Blushing, Rei coughed to get everyone's attention and explain the situation.

"After being attacked this morning, I found this in the kitchen." She tossed the cut up cereal box towards her friends. The star patterns were apparent to everyone and the label clearly showed the Sugar Bombs™ label. Michiru flinched and Haruka rubbed her nose while placing an arm around her partner. Chibi-Usa looked disappointed at the empty box of sugary insanity. Hotaru patted her on the shoulder, comfortingly. Minako wasn't paying attention; she was trying to flirt with her ever-stoic green-haired girlfriend. Ami looked contemplative and Makoto looked slightly confused.

Rei sighed. She wasn't getting the expected response. She flipped the box over and read the warning label. "This product is not to be consumed in large quantities." She still didn't get much of a reaction. "Usagi used this bowl." She showed them the huge bowl. There was an audible collective gasp.

"You mean she ate the whole box?" Makoto said shocked.

"It was full when I woke up," Rei responded.

"That would explain the delusions…" Ami said. "Although, why she was acting like a ninja, doesn't make much sense to me..."

"We watched a couple of ninja movies last night and she was reading the Naruto mangas. I would have had her read text books, if I would have known this would have happened…"

Michiru shook her head. "I doubt that would have done anything to help. We probably would have been attacked by Sailor Moon instead." Everyone shivered at the thought of any of the moon princess's attacks being directed at them.

"That still leaves us with no plan to stop her…" Minako pointed out in between attempts to grope Setsuna.

"Maybe she'll run out of steam?" Ami proposed. "It has to leave her system at some point."

"Any more effective ideas?" Haruka asked.

Outside the house, the person in question was surprisingly stealthy. The Black Ninja (Enough already! You get the point…) knelt next to the window, eavesdropping. She was nervous, with so many former foes and unknowns gathered together. However, she was not afraid. This was her place of origin and she would be sure to claim what was hers.

But first, she needed to get back to that room where she got her clothes. Her clothes were soaked from the hot sun and she needed some replacements. It looked like she had little choice but to go by the flame room. The hall was fully exposed to the room. She had no choice but to go by. She would have to use her special ninja magic to sneak silently by. She carefully crept around to the front door and began to shrug off her sweatshirt.

"So what could we use as bait?" Makoto asked. She was still having trouble trying to decide whether this was some sugar induced mania or another retarded negaverse scheme.

Minako quickly interjected. "Hey, we could Rei as bait! She seemed to show a lot of interest in our little priestess…" She added a little sly smile. Rei blushed deeply and touched her lips. She seemed to be thinking of something. "I would offer Setsuna, but she's still a little tender." She placed a hand on the green-haired woman's knee, who smiled lopsidedly (I think she meant to roll her eyes).

"Rei?" Ami asked. The dark-haired girl's eyes were wide and she was blushing profusely. She followed Rei's gaze and gasped. Pressed against the wall was a familiar blond, clad only in a bandana. _Only_ in a bandana. The rest of her was completely au naturale. Sans clothes. Naked as a jaybird. Apparently she thought she was invisible or something.

Minako noticed and started giggling, which quickly passed to Chibi-Usa. Haruka looked like a woman possessed. She began to crawl towards the princess, drooling. Michiru and Makoto quickly tackled her. The racer promptly declared: "I can make her all better! Just let me go!"

Rei however wasn't restrained. She quickly pinned the blonde princess to the wall.

Usagi looked surprised, but quickly recovered. "I should have known that you would see through my ninja invisibility spell, beautiful priestess. I suppose I need more training."

Rei, who was enthralled by the sweaty nymph she had by the arms, leaned to whisper into her ear. "I'll be willing to give you a lesson. A private lesson."

Suddenly, Usagi's princess personality took over. "Everyone, leave now!"

Then, everything started to happen. Haruka was still struggling with her girlfriend and Makoto. Setsuna came over and leant a hand to pull the enamored woman out the door. Chibi-Usa and Hotaru sat there observing Rei making out with Usagi until Ami pulled their ears and led them out the door. Minako was smiling as if she were expecting a good show. Then, Setsuna poked her head in the door and said: "Mina, honey…"

Minako jumped: "Coming, dear!" She immediately skipped out the door, but not before saying, "Have fun you two!" A second later, she was yanked out the door.

The next morning Usagi woke up in a haze. She realized she was in Rei's bed and naked at that. She blushed and figured out what had happened. She had hoped her and Rei's first time would have been a little memorable, because she couldn't really recall much of yesterday. At least they were 'together' now. Perhaps she should ask Rei to refresh her memory… Grinning, she slipped on a spare bathrobe and went in search of her priestess.

She found Rei in the fire room praying and throwing pieces of a cardboard box into the fire. Usagi snuck up behind her and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. Rei flinched then relaxed.

"Hi, Rei," Usagi whispered before planting a quick kiss on her neck.

"Hi, Usako," Rei said, using her nickname.

"I need a refresher on last night; everything from yesterday is kind of blurry. I remember eating Sugar Bombs™ and watching Naruto. Then, I don't remember anything. I'm sorry I don't remember our special night."

"That's all right… We made out for a little bit and then you conked out. I put you in bed. At least, we sort of cuddled the rest of the night…" Usagi pouted until her stomach growled. "Anyway, we'll have some breakfast and we can try to make some more memories." She smiled and hugged Usagi. Together, they went in search of a healthy, low-sugar breakfast.

The End

A weird end to a weird story. I had to change the ending about three times. I wanted to be sure it sounded all right. Hope you enjoyed it. I laughed for about an hour when this idea showed up. I'm not exactly sure where it came from… It was fun to write. I wish someone would create some fanart of this (hint hint). More specifically: Haruka being bombarded with cookies and Ami defending herself with her Geometry book. (Now laughing diabolically to self, scaring parents who are threatening therapy for 3rd time this month.)

Review if you are up to the challenge, or really bored. Thanks.


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